Vulnerability is a fickle thing. At times, it brings me bright and alive with its implied essence of belonging - reminding me that nothing I say, or do, or am, could ever be shameful enough to hide. And at times, as it has over this past week, it arrives like a vice, a challenger to be fought, a sullen invitation to risk the one thing I crave the most: connection.
Here lies the paradox of vulnerability: it necessitates we risk the one thing it most readily grants. In this way, it’s not unlike the law of manifestation, whereby we must be willing to give up longing for that which we are asking, in order to then receive it. Of course, this “law” carries nuance, however I’ve seen it play out profoundly in my life time and again. Today, I thought I’d share with you one of my favourite manifestation stories…
It was August of 2022, and I sat atop the expansive lookout at Idyllwild Academy on the eve of the very first FEST. The sun set before me, casting dusty hues of violet, gold, and rose over an imax sky. I knew that when I returned home to Vancouver, I was ready to prioritize financial stability - even if that meant giving up my focus on artistry. Gazing over the mountainous Californian landscape, I made a vow to pursue a different direction, settling for DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion) as my next industry in focus. I came to bitter-sweet peace with it - loving that I was caring for my needs, and wistful that I was letting go of the creative path I’d focused on for a decade previous. But I felt settled in my soul. I was content.
The next day, I bumped into C.Y. Lee, the collector who had outbid his contestant in the acquisition of my first ever music NFT. We’d been on some internet zooms a few times before, but this was our first time meeting face to face. He asked me to grab lunch that day, so we met up a few hours later - at which point he proposed an experiment that would change my life. He offered to fund my creative process month after month, as long as I document it on the blockchain for all to see.
Over two years later, here I am today, the beneficiary of consecutive creative stipends enabling me to live the life of my creative dreams. I never did go looking for a job in DEI, and from the perspective I hold now, I don’t think I ever will. It’s not lost on me that within 24 hours of genuinely surrendering my insistence on artist-generated financial freedom, I received it. And in the most unicorn of ways.
I harken back to all the brave, vulnerable steps that paved my path to the moment C.Y. and I aligned our visions, and can’t help but acknowledge the parallels between belonging and manifestation. To belong, we must brave vulnerability. And to manifest - to truly allow the vibrational waters of our life to welcome in each next-level, we must, too, become emotionally exposed. We must release the grip we hold on our prayers coming into being by the exact ways we want them to. The process is the same.
I stalled on writing my Substack this past week, transcribing drafts on various topics before realizing my fear of vulnerability was holding me back from posting any of them. So many emotions, perspectives and aha-moments flowed through me, it was hard to pin just one down. And besides that - a part of me was pressuring another part to write something smart, profound, or compelling - a piece to sum it all up, to hit every note within me. Sharing anything at all felt like a risk.
In reflection, I see that my willingness to process out loud is one of my favourite things about myself. As my Substack continues to reimagine itself - no longer (clearly) just about utopian tech - I am tasked with reimagining its purpose for myself, too. This is not just a place to articulate visions for our ancient future; it is also a place to embody them. This is a space for authenticity, this is an outlet for my inner voice. A canvas upon which I reveal myself to myself; where I am set free to be loved and accepted for who and what I am, by me.
In this way, vulnerability is a manifestation spell: it necessitates we walk through the antithesis of that which we desire in order to relax our vice grip upon that very thing, thereby allowing it to slide into our lives. Only when God knows we don’t truly need the fruition of our worldly desires in order to be content, will he then grant them to us. This isn’t cruel - it’s just good parenting. We do not become reliant on manifestations, just as, through the practice of vulnerability, we do not become reliant on social acceptance. Fuck manifestation - the true goal is inner peace, just as the true goal in baring ourselves is inner belonging.
We cannot force social connection - that is called manipulation. We cannot force social belonging - that is called performing. We can only show up as our authentic selves - risking ridicule, rejection, even exile - to be granted the grandest reward of true, connected belonging.
Wish me luck 🤞🏻
With love,
xx Forrest